St. Vrain Valley Schools recently partnered with Dr. Devorah Heitner, author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World and founder of Raising Digital Natives to host a presentation on the challenges and opportunities facing our students, parents, and educators around technology use. During the presentation, attendees were invited to submit questions for Dr. Heitner. While we were able to address some questions at the end of the presentation, limited time prevented us from addressing them all.

Below are the questions submitted along with responses created in partnership between Dr. Heitner and SVVSD District Technology Services.

Subscribe to Dr. Heitner’s blog, Raising Digital Natives, here.

Dr. Heitner is also offering an $85 discount for St. Vrain families to her Phonewise Boot Camp for Parents.

1. What are the best, most effective ways to protect kids from exposure to harmful/graphic images while still allowing autonomy?
2. What are tactics/words I can use to introduce new boundaries without “laying down the law”?
3. What about kids who are good students? Is it ok to allowing more than 2 hours of screen time?
4. How old should kids be when they get a phone? What do you think of the “Wait Until 8th Grade” movement?
5. Is it okay to discuss screen safety and monitoring with other parents when your kids go over for a playdate? How do you suggest we approach this?
6. We are more strict than our friend’s parents when it comes to tech.  How can we help our kids manage this with their peers?
7. What are some good tips you have for device usage with consideration to the physiological effects screens can have on children’s bodies?
8. How do we teach kids the gravity of what you post on social media and how it could affect your future (jobs, etc.)?
9. What suggestions do you have for us for approaching difficult topics with our children (for example cyber-bullying, inappropriate content on social media, sexting)?
10. What are some concrete, practical action plans for when you encounter problems with your kids and tech?
11. What are your thoughts on kids daily spending time on devices at school? Do you believe there is still value in traditional texts and paper?
12. I’d like to feel more confident on how to deal with a school device. My child says it’s “her” device and it’s a type of technology I’m not familiar with.
13. What can I do to help my kids stop playing video games on iPads when they should be focused on something else?
14. How do you manage the line between collaborative study and social time?
15. Do skills like keeping a calendar transfer to a digital source?

1. What are the best, most effective ways to protect kids from exposure to harmful/graphic images while still allowing autonomy?

Be sure to talk with kids about the kinds of content you don’t want them to look at and make sure they have access to good quality, offline information about important topics (like puberty, etc.) There are many tools out there to help filter internet content – some routers offer parental controls, and you can check with your internet provider, too. Apple’s Screen Time settings on iPads can also be set up with some internet controls.

But keep in mind that no filter is 100% effective, and there may be times when your child is on an unfiltered network. We can’t let the filter take the place of parenting and mentoring. At some point, your kid will come across content – either accidentally or because she’s curious –  and the conversation you have at this point will depend on the content, the age of your child, and your values.

2. What are tactics/words I can use to introduce new boundaries without “laying down the law”?

As a parent, it’s ok if you “lay down the law!”  You’ll find over time that boundaries may have to shift, depending on the age and temperament of your child.

3. What about kids who are good students? Is it ok to allowing more than 2 hours of screen time?

The American Academy of Pediatrics published updated guidelines  for media use by children. Their recommendations for school-age children include placing consistent limits on the time spent using media and the types of media.  They also recommended we ensure media does not take the place of adequate sleep, physical activity and other behaviors essential to health. Most importantly, you know your children best and the amount of screen time you choose to allow for your kids should be based on your values, your children’s overall well-being, and the types of media use they are engaging in.

4. How old should kids be when they get a phone? What do you think of the “Wait Until 8th Grade” movement?

Getting a phone for your child is one of the biggest decisions you will make as a parent. Every family and every child is different, so there isn’t a particular age or grade that’s the perfect milestone for all kids. Here’s a blog post about this topic: Hold the Phone: 8 Signs Your Kid Isn’t Ready for a Phone. 

5. Is it okay to discuss screen safety and monitoring with other parents when your kids go over for a playdate? How do you suggest we approach this?

Each family is unique and approaches monitoring and mentoring differently. It can be hard not to feel judged by other parents for either being too strict or not strict enough. We encourage parents to speak more honestly and openly with each other about the challenges raising a digital native with genuine curiosity and empathy. You might break the ice by simply saying something like, “Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by all the technology our kids are surrounded with. Where do I start with the rules? How do you guys manage it at your house?”

6. We are more strict than our friend’s parents when it comes to tech.  How can we help our kids manage this with their peers?

This is a great question. Consider having conversations with your kids about what is allowed, what isn’t really allowed at home (say a particular game) but may be ok to play at a friend’s house, and what you definitely don’t want them to be doing. Then you can help your kid find some strategies for explaining or suggesting alternative activities when these challenges come up. Role-playing can be useful. And sometimes just letting your kid know he can say, “Oh I can’t play that game or my mom will kill me” – ideally with a dramatic eye roll – is OK, too.

7. What are some good tips you have for device usage with consideration to the physiological effects screens can have on children’s bodies?

The most well-researched negative effects of screen time is on sleep, both because of the exposure to blue-spectrum screen light, which throws off circadian rhythms, and overproduction of cortisol, the stress hormone. Because sleep deprivation is associated with all kinds of physical, emotional, and mental issues, many experts recommend that screens (both kids’ and parents’) be turned off at least an hour or two before bedtime and kept out of the bedroom.

Did you know that student iPads can use the Night Shift setting to adjust the colors of the display to the warmer end of the spectrum, making the display easier on eyes? Click here to learn more about Night Shift.

8. How do we teach kids the gravity of what you post on social media and how it could affect your future (jobs, etc.)?

While it’s important to be aware of our online presence through social media (digital footprint), we sometimes tend to focus on the downsides only. Instead, we should encourage kids to put their best work and best self out there, doing things they can be proud of. Doing an online search with your child 2-3 times a year to see what a public search can find is a great opportunity to make sure posts (either your kid’s or someone else’s) are not objectionable. You can also ask them if they have seen examples of kids posting things that do or don’t reflect positively on the subject and use that as a basis for conversation.

9. What suggestions do you have for us for approaching difficult topics with our children (for example cyber-bullying, inappropriate content on social media, sexting)?

For parents, these are some of the scariest, cringe-worthy topics to discuss with our children. Again, mentoring our kids will establish open, trusting communication that can help them navigate these issues. The best time to have these conversations is before your kids might be exposed to them. Here are some Tip Sheets from Common Sense Media to help parents have conversations with their children on Cyberbullying, Pornography, Social Media, and Sexting. 

10. What are some concrete, practical action plans for when you encounter problems with your kids and tech?

As adults, we tend to focus on preventing mistakes that can damage reputations or relationships. We should also mentor our kids on how to repair things, when possible. Here’s a blog post about this topic: Everyone Makes Mistakes: Teaching Kids How to Fix Things When Texting Goes Awry.

11. What are your thoughts on kids daily spending time on devices at school? Do you believe there is still value in traditional texts and paper?

There’s no question that access to tech has changed the look and feel of learning both at school and at home. Communication flow, access to data, collaboration, organization, creation tools, and opportunities for learning (and for distraction) are all different with access to a 1:1 device at school and and home. Choosing digital media or print media is more of a personal preference and may be based on the task and previous experiences.

Parents are often concerned about the increased screen time in their kids’ lives, but 1:1 does not mean your child will be engaged with a device for the entire school day. And measuring only time spent on screens might not be the most useful way to understand the ways in which we use technology. Instead, look at what your child is doing on screens. Is your child writing a reflection on a piece of literature? Researching a historical event? Collaborating with a team to create a group presentation?

If you and your child are curious about the amount of time your child is on the device (and what they’re doing), consider using the Screen Time tool on the iPad. Click here to learn more about Screen Time.

12. I’d like to feel more confident on how to deal with a school device. My child says it’s “her” device and it’s a type of technology I’m not familiar with.

Some parents are comfortable managing devices they purchase for home but may feel that school devices are the purview of the school. St. Vrain encourages parents to use the device alongside your child, asking questions and learning together. In fact, these rights are outlined in our Expectations & Commitments. And please reach out to your child’s school if you have specific questions about the device or device settings.

While your child may know more about the technology, we don’t want to mistake digital proficiency for good digital habits. Kids still need our mentorship and support around relationships, reputation, time management, and other skills.

13. What can I do to help my kids stop playing video games on iPads when they should be focused on something else?

Start with empathy and ask a lot of questions: What games are you playing? Why? What is going on when you decide to play games instead? Do you have some times when you play games and other times when you do not? What’s the difference?

Consider using the Screen Time tool on the iPad as a tool to help self-regulate. And this Family Tip Sheet from Common Sense Media offers some suggestions for helping our kids manage distractions.

14. How do you manage the line between collaborative study and social time?

Collaboration can enhance the learning experience as ideas flow back and forth, and many assignments today are collaborative. Talk to your child about her collaborative study and how she feels about it. And if study at home seems to be taking too much time, this is an opportunity to have a mentorship discussion with your child around managing time and distractions.

15. Do skills like keeping a calendar transfer to a digital source?

Whether you use a paper calendar or a digital calendar is really a personal choice, but a shared digital calendar can be a great way to help your child build his organizational skills!